HOT AND TALENTED WITH ACNE
I struggled on and off with acne for years, and the idea only struck me a couple of weeks ago at 4 AM, drunk while browsing TikTok. I can’t believe it took me this long. I am embarrassed and ashamed for not including models with visible acne in my photos before. Then, at 4:02 AM, I reached out to Qwisun.
I’ll admit it, I never started taking photos for the reasons the amazing women slide in my DMs for. I often get the best compliments that their shoot helped their confidence or that my photos made them want to be a bit sexier. I started for selfish reasons, just an artistic outlet to get ideas out of my head. I love a strong message, story, or feeling. Slowly, as I find my way there, I think uplifting someone, even in a quiet way, is the strongest and best message you can have.
HOT AND TALENTED WITH ACNE. BY QWISUN YOON-POTKINS // 윤귀선
My name is Qwisun and I’m the Assistant Manager at the UBC AMS Sexual Assault Support Centre. I’m a mixed-race Korean/English settler living on the traditional homelands of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish), and səl̓ílwətaʔɬ/Selilwitulh (Tsleil-Waututh) Nations.
My educational background is in sociology and social justice studies, and I’ll be starting my MA in Educational Studies at UBC in September 2021. I am continually striving to divest from settler colonialism, and spend most of my time (at work and outside of work, through small-scale or larger-scale actions) challenging and dismantling the systems and structures that uphold all forms of violence.
When Carly first reached out to me to shoot, I was unsure about it. I had been trying my hardest to hide my acne from the world because I hate the idea that people could perceive me in a different way than I see myself, or how I “usually” look. So the idea that there would be photos of me barefaced, photos that someone else had control over that I couldn’t edit the shit out of first, made me hesitant. But I said fuck it. Acne needs to be normalized, and I hope my experience can contribute to this necessary conversation.
My breakout was linked to an allergic reaction, so it happened almost instantaneously. It was so distressing, I had full on breakdowns and cried for hours on end almost every day. It was painful as fuck - I literally got to work one day and had to leave immediately because I was in so much agony. My mental health plummeted and I felt as though I would never recover or love myself in the same way again. It’s honestly wild how something like acne can affect your mental health so deeply; I was ashamed of how I looked but even more ashamed that I cared so much, and couldn’t convince myself otherwise. Even though my skin is healing, I still feel like this some days.
I think part of the problem is that I’m afraid that people will just see me as someone with acne, when that’s not all that I am. I’m a smart, hot, funny bitch who just happens to struggle with acne. Skin fluctuates and I’m having a rough time right now, but it’s temporary and there are more interesting things to focus on. To all of the people recommending things and telling me I’m brave - I appreciate the intention but I’m literally just trying to exist. When we speak about acne as something to “get rid of,” or say that someone is courageous for not covering up their acne, it implies that it is something to be ashamed of when it’s not.
I started a series on Tiktok called “still being hot and talented with acne,” which is how Carly found me. The idea is that, every day, I record myself singing with my face fully in the video. I needed a project to push me to keep doing the things that I love and not let acne hold me back. It’s liberating and scary all at the same time, but I’m so glad I decided to do it for reasons beyond just feeling comfortable in my own skin again. Because it’s not just acne that holds me back, it’s also the fear of failure, feelings of inadequacy, and struggles with perfectionism, all of which are influenced by and reinforce settler colonialism. Imperfections and making mistakes, as long as we grow from them, is human. We’ve fallen into a trap, a bad pattern, of thinking otherwise, and I don’t know why it took a full blown breakout to remind me of this but I’m glad that it did.
Going through this experience has given me so much perspective. I can honestly say that acne has made me one hundred times funnier and more confident (and hotter by default). It’s made me more appreciative, and it’s taught me to love myself through all of the shitty, ugly, tough moments that nobody wants to talk about. I’m lucky to have such a supportive partner, bestie, and family members who have treated me with so much kindness when I couldn’t be kind to myself. If you’re struggling with acne, you are absolutely not alone. Fuck beauty standards, fuck anyone who makes you feel like shit about yourself, and fuck hiding your cute ass face.
