SIMONE CHNARAKIS.
Simone Chnarakis is an 18 year old photographer in Vancouver that I have had the pleasure of becoming friends with over the past few months. Along with her eye for colour and photoshop skills, Simone makes a point to have everyone feel included and seen, which gives me hope in this clout chasing youth. I find myself wanting to swear less when I’m around her, and I’m unsure if it’s her age, or her soul of gold. Regardless, protect Simone Chnarakis at all costs or I suspect a very Tide Pod eating future.
Welcome to my wurld…
From a young age, I was always told you must work 10 times harder and be 10 times smarter than your peers, than anyone in the room in which you are in. You will be overlooked. As an outsider looking in you might think, “that’s a harsh start” but for me and a lot of other black people here in Vancouver, they could probably relate with me in that…and if you didn’t hear it then, you’re hearing it now.
I grew up and still am living in East Van, near Purdys Chocolate Factory. I went to the oldest elementary school in Vancouver from kindergarten until about grade 5. When I was in elementary, those would be my first experiences of racism, and feeling excluded and lack of feeling apart of a community. I had my friends at school, but I never really had a group of black people that I could have fun with. In a lot of ways, I saw myself looking at the friendships I did have, as almost like mini competitions. Not in the way where I wanted to one up them for the sake of making them feel bad, but just because I knew the only way I would be looked at as anything more than the stereotype people casted me as, was to just be the best at everything I did.
Looking back on it, I’ve realized how little hope people had in me at times. I remember people being shocked and almost embarrassed for themselves when I would get better marks then them, or if I would understand things quicker then they did, as if I wasn’t capable of it. Even a couple years ago, people being a little shocked when I would get honour roll or when I graduated and got my honours in socials and a scholarship in basketball. At the same time as being a little offended by their reactions to my success, I was weirdly kinda happy. I knew that I proved those people wrong, I knew in those moments that maybe I changed the way that they view my community when it comes to these things. That we aren’t all just comedic relief, loud, or ratchet. Even if I was all of those things, that doesn’t stop me from getting my education and overall being successful.
This idea or concept of typically being the only black person in a room, carries a lot of weight. I knew that I would be representing an entire community with my actions and that’s not something I was able to confide in with my non black friends.
Eventually I would transfer elementary schools for educational purposes, and would essentially be going from being the only black person amongst other minority groups, to now being the only black person amongst almost all white people. I remember this feeling like a huge change for me. There was just such an immediate disconnect for me. It felt like mean girls when Cady moves from Africa, and now into this suburban high school with the stereotypical, tall white and pretty girls. They played volleyball, they were admired by everyone, and there were cliques. I would find my group at some point, and eventually would be okay, but naturally the micro-agressions would ensue. Being told I spoke well, “you’re so articulate”, the classic “where are you from?…no where are you really from?”, “Can I touch your hair?” Then they would only ask if they were nice. The list goes on.
While being apart of a group with the people I was with, it truly frustrated me seeing my white peers succeed for the bare minimum really. This would continue on and honestly only get worse once I got to high school in the same, white area. Being talked about because I was too outspoken, too sensitive about racial issues. I remember having to debate with a white boy in my class about racial injustice. He thought black people were too aggressive and abrasive. Nobody said anything until I did of course. Or when my group of friends at the time who were non black would call me the N-word or say it all the time. Nobody ever really stood up for me, and at times it was hard to myself. It became exhausting to constantly be the reason for change in these people; but I didn’t really have a choice.
As I’ve developed over the couple of years that I’ve been doing photography, I sometimes will find myself feeling like there is a lack of community even more so than I did before. I’ll get lost in the rabbit hole of social media and see these people supporting their friends art, they ride for them so hard, sometimes praising similar things that I’ve done before. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love and appreciate every single ounce of love and support that I receive from my personal friends and online friends that I have, in this case its relative to how I had friends growing up, but never ones who looked like me. Because of the small population of black people that we do have here, its so hard to find other black photographers and creatives here, and with that, finding black creatives who actually want to befriend you; the thing is, I don’t necessarily blame them. I know just like how I was told to work 10 times harder and so on, that 9 times out of 10, they were probably told the same thing, and probably had a very similar experience that I had growing up in Canada. With that knowledge, I’ve realized because of the lack of community here, its hard for some of us to befriend people in our own community when we’ve grown up having friends that didn’t necessarily look like ourselves. At the same time, I personally have a harder time trusting white people in the field of work I do sometimes because of how many bad experiences that I’ve had with these people. When you mix all of those feelings together, it leaves you feeling so alone. It’s frustrating when I see creatives posting about how great the community is here in terms of art and diversity, especially when most of the times those people have never been a minority in terms of race. You have to wonder, how do they know that this so called community is so great?
Something I always tell people when given the question of why “wurld2000k” and I start by saying that the 2000k part was honestly there to make everything look “cool”, however before I started my account and it came time to create a username, and in a sense a brand, I immediately thought of my community. One of the biggest things I noticed when looking at other photographers here, was the lack of black people specifically that was on their portfolios. Not only that, but the lack of black creatives here. I knew in that moment that not only would I be THE black creative, but I would be the black creative for other black people as well as people of colour. I wanted to be a safe space for these groups to feel scene, appreciated, and loved. One of the most rewarding feelings are when people tell me I achieved those goals that I set out to do; and its something I plan on continuing to be for one day the entire wurld.
My intention isn’t to blame anyone, or to make anyone feel bad about themselves necessarily with this, however I’m simply stating the truth, and more importantly my truth to what it was, and what it is like to grow up as a black kid in Vancouver. I think it would be a disservice to my community to be given a soapbox, and not use it to its full capacity in this regard. i have an immense amount of hope however that once we as an entire society here in Vancouver, or really anywhere, actually accept the fact that there is a lack of community here, that maybe then, we can make efforts towards bettering this issue. As I come to closing this, I’ve thought about clever ways I could, but its hard in a sense to conclude this topic when in reality, this isn’t something that’s coming to an end once I close my laptop and stop typing. Reality is, I’m going to close my laptop and sooner or later get that feeling of loneliness again, as I’m sure some of you out there have or currently feeling; but I really hope if not me and this write up, that something can bring us all together and have a real sense of a black creative community.
